Why You Need a Coach in your Collaborative Divorce

New Hampshire collaborative practice employs an interdisciplinary model, which is fancy for saying that the professional team includes attorneys, a coach and a financial neutral. When the topic of hiring a coach comes up, I sometimes receive this feedback:

  • Why do we need a coach?
  • I already have a therapist, isn't that the same thing?
  • It's another expense in the process. 
  • Let's see how it goes without one and we can always hire one later. 

I intended to write a thorough and thoughful post about the need for a coach, and then found this article Do You Really Need a Divorce Coach in the Collaborative Process? by Helene Taylor. I really can't say it better myself, and it answers all the frequently asked questions. It's a must read if you are considering a collaborative divorce. I especially love her explanation of the difference between a therapist and a divorce coach:

A therapist is someone you bring your luggage to and she helps you open it up and decipher the contents; a divorce coach is someone you bring your luggage to and, without opening it, she helps you carry it across the street.

From my attorney perspective, a coach helps me do my job better and reach the end result quicker. The coach, who is far better trained in the emotional aspects of a divorce than I am, can facilitate the emotional discussions and keep lines of communication between the parties open so that the legal discussions can be more productive.

For more information about collaborative divorce, check out the information video from the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. You can also download a free Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit

What to Expect: First Collaborative 4-Way Meeting

 

You and your spouse have chosen the collaborative process for your divorce and hired your attorneys. Now what? The first 4-way, or 5-way if you have hired a coach, will get the collaborative process started. 

Generally, you should expect to cover the following items in your first meeting:

  • Review and sign the collaborative participation agreement
  • Share your reasons for choosing collaborative for your divorce
  • Review the collaborative roadmap to understand each stage of the process
  • Discuss dates to obtain valuations, such as an appraisal for the house or business
  • Talk over the cost of collaborative and how it will be paid
  • Agree on neutrals (coach and financial)
  • Schedule the next meeting
  • Set up temporary parenting/cash flow arrangements
  • Put together homework list, such as preparing financial affidavit

You may feel anxious, stressed, or nervous, and that's all normal. Consider how you would be feeling if you were about to litigate and go to court for the first time. The collaborative approach won’t always be easy, but you will come out the other end better off than litigation. 

 

Have you considered collaborative law?

I am pleased to announce that I have been accepted as a member of the Collaborative Law Alliance of New Hampshire. Collaborative practice is an alternative to the traditional, adversarial family law litigation process. Lawyers and clients agree from the beginning to keep the case out of court and settle it through a series of 4-way meetings. Instead of negotiating under the threat of court or on the eve of trial, lawyers and parties are freed from those constraints and are able to focus on alternative and creative solutions to meet each parties needs.

CLANH makes the point that the collaborative process benefits a client by:

  • Avoiding the expensive and lengthy court and litigation process.
  • Retaining a relationship of mutual respect while moving apart with dignity.
  • Reaching a settlement that both parties are comfortable with.

If the process breaks down, and the parties are not able to resolve the case, each lawyer is disqualified from representing their client in court. Each party must find a new attorney to litigate the case. This is an important aspect of the collaborative process because it gives incentive to remain committed to the collaborative process.

Both parties must have collaborative trained lawyers. Talk to your spouse or partner about collaborative practice, and have them research "collaborative law" or "collaborative practice." Download for them the free Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit from the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. Ask them to speak to a lawyer trained in collaborative practice (a list of New Hampshire lawyers can be found here).

If you are interested in more information about the collaborative process, please contact my office at 603-627-3668 or through the contact form on this blog.